Five Thoughts Longer Than 140 Characters

The following are scattered thoughts too long for twitter and too long for their own post.  They are presented in no particular order of importance or design.

1. I’d love to start a reflective blog or tumblr or dig’em (is that a real thing? I’ve seen it underneath some articles every so often, have no idea what it means or if it is intentionally supposed to remind me of the cereal Smacks) account on Earl Simmons. You know him as DMX, or Dark Man X. I prefer to call him Earl, as the government calls him.  It would simply be a stream of conscious-styled blog filled with quotes and musings inspired by the Earl of Yonkers. Sometimes just a quote, something like “I fucks with these hoes from a distance, The instant they start to catch feelings, I start to stealin they shit.”  My favorite part would be where I’d would just ask reflective questions like, “Honestly, what do these bitches want?” or “Seriously, where are my dogs at? I honestly lost them about an hour or so ago.” Also, everything would be in capitals and followed by at least 1 !

2. For Halloween this year, I was at a little bit of a loss. I had wanted to be Willy Wonka at first (not the Johnny Depp version, the Gene Wilder version), but the only costume I found cost around 80 dollars. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with wasting money on a number of things (alcohol, food, women) but there’s a limit to Halloween, I think. Spending that much money on a ridiculous purple outfit that you can only wear, what, three times max? That seems silly to me. On the other hand, I do like dressing up and would prefer not to repeat (spoiler alert: I went as Where’s Waldo, again) so to the store I went. After seeing a jailbird costume, I had the idea of combining that with a dog face and going as… the dog from Cookie Crisp. This guy. And the award for most obscure, bizarre costume goes to…

3. The NBA starts tonight and I don’t think I could be more excited. It took a while for me to get into it, what with the Yankees pretending down the stretch run of the season that they were an actual baseball team (only to reveal, sadly, they weren’t). But folks, let me tell you, they’re may not be a white, under-30 male more excited for this season on the planet. Then again, the pool of white, under-30 males that actually give a shit about the NBA isn’t a deep one, but still. Quick prediction time: Kevin Durant wins MVP, Evan Turner wins Most Improved, Lakers have a slow season but win the Championship, and the Spurs continue to excel in the regular season and flake out at some point in the playoffs. I know, real bold stuff.

4. This one is probably cheating the “Five Thoughts” Gods, because I’ve already tweeted about it.  So, I suppose I did sum up my thoughts about Cloud Atlas, albeit sarcastically, in fewer than 140 characters. However, I wanted to go back to it. I just can’t believe a number of things about this movie. I can’t believe it got made, I can’t believe Tom Hanks is in it (then again, he’ll do just about anything nowadays, it seems), I can’t believe it’s not 15 hours long, I can’t figure out what that Chinese woman is doing in the movie, and I can’t decide if it’s going to be universally lauded or panned (picture a less cultish Battlefield Earth). There’s absolutely no way I’ll see the movie (and that includes if they broke into my apartment and screened it in my room), but at the least I’m hoping the reaction is very strong one way or the other.

5. So, I’m a substitute teacher. At my old high school. There’s a ton of things I could say about it, so many I could likely fill up a full post on it (and/or get myself in trouble with the school). What I want to talk about is what it’s like to go back to your old school as an adult (or in my version, as someone who is doing his best approximation of an adult). I’m amazed at how clearly I’m an authority figure to these kids. It has to be something relating to sitting in the front of the room, because in my own mind, I’m still one of them. Then, they open their mouths and I realize, oh yeah, they’re 15. And I’m 25. That’s right. One final note… I’d hate to have to see what I was like in high school. To have to watch video of how I acted… Good lord. Even if I wasn’t as annoying as I think I was, I totally get why I wasn’t getting any ass. I wore everything way too big (and that was even somewhat in back then) and never combed or did my hair at all. *Sigh*