Chronicles of the Single Man, Episode 4: Going Too Fast

So, we’re back with another episode. I wasn’t quite sure how to tell this story because it first happened live, then I told some of my friends about it, then several months (about 8 of them, to be more specific) went by, then I got in contact with her again, and finally she and I discussed it.

Just because we had a great time it does not mean I want to see you again.

I think the more interesting way to share this story is simply to relay facts of what occurred (with any comments placed parenthetically). Then we can move forward.

Actually, before we get going… a few things. This is the first “sort-of” reader inspired Chronicle. This gal, in recent correspondence, actually e-mailed to ask if she had ever made an appearance in any of the previous episodes. I admitted that she hadn’t but that I had her name scribbled somewhere in my room for a future episode. I explained that the way (SPOILER ALERT) it ended was humorous and I felt the need to detail it in this space. What was particularly interesting is that (as she felt when this first happened) she was seemingly confused as to what could’ve been the issue.

OK, here we go, for real.

Facts:

  1. Date two, dinner uptown.
  2. Drinks. We discuss where we’re going to go, I mention I had a party to go to downtown, but we ultimately land on going to a place nearer the restaurant.
  3. A few drinks at that bar.
  4. I walk her home.
  5. En route while walking home, she mentions she’s going to go home and go somewhere else once we separate and that some place else was downtown somewhere. (OK, commentary here… I’m surprised I lasted this long… This part was, frankly, beyond belief that she’d A) say that so plainly to me and B) not mention it earlier when I had actually told her I had something downtown I could’ve gone to.)
  6. Admittedly, I gave her some shit about that.
  7. I use her bathroom (More commentary… very nice apartment, as a side bar.)
  8. She ultimately relents and is the one who sort of convinces me to go to my friends party because I didn’t really want to go. That’s true. I had to work in the morning. (It was a lot of, “No, I mean… if you want to go, I dont want you to think you have to go”-type conversation at that point.)
  9. We go to my friends party, about 5 or 6 people there.
  10. They like her (this they told me), she appears to have a good time (this I deduced. Granted, I’m not a detective, but still.)
  11. Walk back to the PATH, we make out for a little.
  12. Day or so later, I ask her to come over and let me make dinner for her (that was something we had talked about)
  13. She doesn’t get back to me at first.
  14. Ultimately, she does get back and tells me (Get ready for this) that she thought things moved a little too fast and she wasn’t ready for all that.
  15. She admits that she did in fact have a good time.
  16. I don’t respond, having only this thought run through my head.
  17. She gets back in touch with me, asking if I felt it was too fast, and I kept saying that even if it was, you had fun, so what was the difference?
  18. Finally, she may have mentioned something about there being no connection at this point (Commentary: I’m not being flip, you may have done that, but not til the end.)
  19. At that point I realized, I don’t think I can convince her that if she did have fun, as she so claimed, than that should win out. And it might not be worth it to keep trying.

Conclusions Drawn:

So, in talking with her (and other people about this) it seems that the major sticking point was the meeting of the friends too early into a “relationship”. Apparently, meeting four or five friends in a dingy dive bar downtown (alliteration, bitches!) at around midnight for an hour counts as an aggressive step on the relationship scale. When she had told me that things had “gone too fast” I honestly thought she was freaked out that we made out in public. That was all I could think of. Briefly I had a thought that I had blacked out at one point in the night and done some unspeakable acts… but the fact that I remembered every single element of the evening quickly (Jayson/Laynce) nixed that idea.

If I had known she’d have felt that way about meeting my friends so early on, I’d have taken her for my college reunion weekend just to freak her out. Judging by how she didn’t say anything at the time and simply let it play out (even at one point encouraging us to go together), I’d imagine she would’ve said yes to Cape Cod (for the reunion) if I simply pressed hard enough.

Any who… we have not seen each other since (shocking, I know) and that is too bad. She seemed like a great gal, smart, attractive, the whole bit (Side note: While describing a gal that way may not seem like a lot, I can’t just be the only one who thinks that all the truly great guys and girls are off the market, can I? The rest of us—yes, you—are fine, but we’re like the TJ Maxx of dating options. We’ll do, but the longer you look the easier it is to find that extra zipper or ripped pocket.)  As is the case with most girl situations that don’t work out, I don’t begrudge her at all. Even at the time, the feeling was more confusion as to why she just didn’t say what she meant than any anger.

So, the lesson here, ladies? If you’re out with a guy and you feel uncomfortable, say so. Don’t say you’re fine with something just to go along with it. And we’re not talking sexual, we’re talking drinks. But above all, if you’re having fun, let you’re other rules go by the wayside.

Fun should be goal number one, in basically everything we do. If you’re having it and (obligatory PSA here) you’re not hurting yourself or others (ugh, I hate myself for including that), then odds are you should keep it up.

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