#21 – Finding Your Holy Grail

Among many things in this world, one we adults rarely discuss in the comfort of others is the world of adult videos. Yes, pornographic films. Now, this feeling we’re talking about here isn’t what you might assume. This isn’t about why we (read: men) watch porn or what we do when we watch it (you may not believe this, and that’s fine by me, but sometimes men, myself and friends included, just watch it to watch it, like a really bad movie of sorts). No, this is about that first time (or, first times) you ever ran into porn as a young kid/teenager.

For my generation, it was sometime in middle school and there were videos and pictures we all came across that we liked more than others. However, as time went on, for no reason at all we drifted to other videos (and as the internet evolved, pictures went by the wayside). Yet, every so often, in your hunting for that sitting’s video-du-jour, you’ll come across a real oldie.

You’re scanning your favorite site and you come across a video you hadn’t seen in at least 10 years, maybe more. It occurs to you that you’ve never seen more than the short video provided on some random site because you have a brain and don’t ever, ever pay for adult videos.

But, you know that somewhere out there in the ether that video exists. And somewhere else in that ether, there’s a guy who has that video and another guy that stole it from him and is giving it away for free. But finding the name of the video? Actually tracking it down with nothing more than “Hot blonde” or “college girl” as keywords… that’s a quest that’s been raging on for, like I said, nearly a decade.

So, you begin your search. You figure that you’re off for the day, let’s really sink in and do some work here, see if this time we can find that video once and for all. And of course, 30 to 45 minutes later, you’ve found nothing and though there were some close calls, you’re in the same spot you found yourself in (albeit slightly more content, due to the effects of dopamine release).

This happens over and over to the point where you give up hope, thinking there’s enough out there for you and everyone else, so what if your white whale has disappeared?

Then, suddenly, the Holy Grail makes itself available. Like disease research, the internet is always improving, making strides. What was impossible a week, a month ago is now happening… it’s downloading.

Whether or not the video is even worth it in the long run is besides the point. You found your Holy Grail. Most men, if they’re not lying to themselves, have that Grail. Whether or not they ever find it is only up to them.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling: Downloading what you think is that video, waiting hours for it to download because it’s shady as all hell, and finding out it’s either not the video you thought or you can’t play it all.

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