#194 – Taking Your Morning Dump (In Your Own Toilet)

I realize there are a number of feelings on this list that could be squarely classified as male-centric. At first glance, this is almost certainly one of them. However, that’s under this ridiculous societal gaze we have, within which women never do anything other than pee (heaven forbid, a fart!). So, women out there, if you’re reading this and quietly thinking, “Yes, I agree with this 100% but don’t feel like showing that in public”, that’s OK. It’s between you, me and WordPress.

This feeling, that of the morning dump, is always a great one. It came to be a part of my life more as I got older. When I was younger, I could go at any time, anywhere—didn’t matter. I used to be baffled at how long my father could spend in the bathroom in the morning, how that was seemingly a spot of comfort, escape for him. Now, at 27 going on 28, I get it.

Throw in the modifier I have at the end there–that we’re talking home-toilet advantage and now you’re really cooking with gas. I don’t know about you, but whenever I sleep over someone’s house or apartment, it’s like my colon knows what’s up. The sphincter knows all, friends. And frankly, it’s a bit shy. Not gonna just open on up, share his world with everyone in every environment. He likes home field, the comfortable surroundings.

When you and the guy below are on the same page, that’s a great feeling.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: Spending the night out drinking way more than you should, you attempt to go through your routine in the morning. You know that it’s not the same as it’s coming out, but you forge ahead, only to realize, midday that you’ve made a big mistake—but now you’re in a public place of some kind.

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