#127 – Getting The Right Item In Mario Kart

150px-mk64_item_boxFirst off, in doing some “research” for this one, I learned that there’s been at least 8 Mario Karts made. Probably more. Does that strike anyone else as excessive? Who honestly needed more than the one for Nintendo 64? It was clearly the best version of the game. Any of these clowns (read: young bucks) that claim the Wii version is better are fooling themselves. The whole fun of video games is so to  escape reality—not approximate it. If I wanted to drive a car, you know hold a wheel and turn it, I’d drive my real car. No, I want to hold a weird, multi-colored joystick that oddly grips perfectly to my claw.

Anyway, I digress. Whatever version you’re playing, the whole fun of the game is to get those boxes and be lucky enough not to get the bananas. Get one of those red shell trios and roll deep, shoot someone down with green shells (actually, now that I write this, being able to aim, click and shoot with a green shell is a better feeling than anything else in the game)… the list goes on.

Point is, when you’re four beers deep and that obnoxious friend of yours that’s way too good at the game (especially at this age… I mean, seriously… what does he do all day? how is he so fucking good, still?) is just ahead of you… you need the right item. Whatever your specialty, you know you’re in a great spot if you get it and screwed if not.

Good luck.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: Being the jackass that, repeatedly, can’t get your guy to run into any box, at all. Lap after lap.

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