#76 – Eating a Red Sour Patch Kid

394389586_640I think we can all agree, once and for all, that the red sour patch kid (or, SPK as those dear to my heart call them) is clearly the most delicious.

Sure, there’s the offshoot brands–your fruits and your Xtremes (yes, there’s no “e”… it’s that much of a wild card)–but nothing quite comes close to the magic of the original big red.

Why they haven’t made a bag of just reds at this point is beyond me. To a man (and woman, and child), it’s pretty clear red is the best. Yet, somehow the watermelon gets its own bag. And the peach. And the cherry.

But no red.

Before I get too sidetracked, here’s a fun game I sometimes play when eating kids. And by “fun game”, I of course mean thing I do to forget I’m stuffing my gullet with candy.

I call it SPK Roulette. I’ll blindly reach a hand in to the bag (I’ve stopped fucking with those vending machine-sized pouches years ago… it’s the duffle bag size or bust for me), something most wouldn’t dream of doing. The intent, of course, is to pull out a red. Obviously, green isn’t a doomsday scenario, but you get the point. So, the fun comes when you hit a rip of reds, two, three, four in a row. How long can you push your luck? It’s anyone’s guess, but it’s fun for the whole family.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: Biting into a banana runt. Those fucking things are the most disgusting candy on the face of planet Earth, and that includes Good & Plenty.

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