#20 – Getting to Sleep in Your Own Bed


This one probably never would have made the list if I did this all between the ages of 12 and 17.

I was never a great sleeper, but I certainly didn’t give a shit about where I laid my head nearly as much as I do now.

As currently constructed (and I know I’m only getting worse by the day), I’m sensitive to light, sound and movement. Basically, I need to sleep in a temperature-controlled, perfectly silent, perfectly still hyperbaric chamber… that also happens to be large enough that I can roll around multiple times and not have any issues.

Oh yeah, I am a mover when I sleep. I’m a real joy to rest with.

Anyway, this is all to say that at this point in my life every time I go to sleep somewhere other than my own bed, it’s all I can do to not think, “That is one less good night’s sleep you will have in your life. I hope you’re happy.”

Sometimes it’s worth it (staying over a girl’s place) and sometimes it’s not (staying over a girl’s place). Whether or not the reason you’re staying somewhere new is a good one is  irrelevant.

What’s important is that you’re no longer on a futon or a hotel bed or a friend’s couch or a spare bedroom or some new chick’s bed with her cat… you’re in your bed, with your shitty pillows and your unmade set of sheets.

It’s catered to your exact specifications… which is why you’d probably prefer to never leave.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: This is obvious, right? Sleeping in someone else’s bed. But, to give an example I’ll expound upon the cat thing from a paragraph or so ago. I slept over this girl’s apartment maybe 2 years ago at this point. It was a fun evening after our third date, she was a cool girl and everything was, at worst, fine. It turned when we actually began the legit sleeping portion of the evening. She had an air conditioner that sounded like it was running off a Model T engine, a cat that she refused to keep in the bathroom and allowed to crawl all over us and sheets that made steel wool feel soft. I pretended I had something to do at 5 in the morning just so I could go home and sleep.

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