Five Thoughts Longer Than 140 Characters

The following are scattered thoughts too long for twitter and too long for their own post.  They are presented in no particular order of importance or design.

1. I haven’t seen the movie Looper yet (although I want to) and I can already tell I’m going to leave that movie and be at least some what confused as to what exactly happened. It can’t be a good sign when you’re finished with a 1:45 trailer and have several questions you need answers to just to follow the trailer.  Questions like, Is Joseph Gordon-Levitt the young version of Bruce Willis? Who is the character that looks a little like JGL, but also a little like a fucked-up version of JGL? Am I going to start each of these posts about a movie JGL is in? Why isn’t this movie about Braden Looper? Is there going to be a Danny Graves movie coming out any time soon?

2. The process of purchasing a new car is absolutely ridiculous. I just got done finalizing paper work on my second lease with Toyota and once again, the whole thing has left me wondering how anything gets done at those places. First off, they’re not open on Sundays. Not that that particularly has an impact on me, but I find it strange to be closed for half of the allotted time most of the working world has off. Second, the fact that it’s an accepted part of the transaction that you’re buying something that is immediately devalued shows how big a ripoff it is. Third, and best of all I say, is that there’s no such thing as the “actual” price. I hate that I have to haggle. I hate that the salesman will say shit like, “What do I have to do to get you in this car?” or “What’s a number you feel comfortable with?” Rumor has it my mom actually said, “$1”.  Rumor also has it my dad never went with my mom to buy a car again. Either way, I wish it was just a matter of this is the price, take it or leave it. Could you imagine if it worked that way at say, the grocery store? Attention shoppers, Florida’s Natural Orange Juice, normally priced at $10,000 is now on sale! Use your Shop Rite card and tell us how much you think it should cost!

3. DJ Khaled could be the worst thing in rap right now. Matter of fact, he could be the worst thing in music. Here’s a guy who doesn’t actually rap or sing, he barely produces on his own records, and he shouts obnoxiously loud over every song he’s on. Worse than all of that are those asinine claims he makes. “I introduced you to the streets” and “We the best” are just some of the moronic things he shouts.  Granted, he’s no Funk Flex (though, this guy does a hell of an impression) but how has no one had a stern talking to him yet? Hey, Mr. Khaled. Yes, nice to meet you. We just were wondering when you were going to do… well, anything. Oh, you’re not? OK, that’s fine, just stop claiming to be the best at anything other than making unsubstantiated claims. Sincerely, The Rap Fan Community.  Oh yeah, tell 2 Chainz to give it a rest as well. Thanks again.

4. I wish I was making this up, but at a bar I went to recently the bouncer wouldn’t let my friends and I in because, and I quote, “We’re only letting in couples and single ladies right now.” Had he not been enormous, had I not been the size I am, and had there not been any consequences for unprovoked physical violence in this country, I’d have totally kicked his ass. So, honest admission time: we were in the meatpacking district in New York City. For those of you unaware, it’s a really trendy (read: douchey, overpriced) area of the city that I’ve only ever been to a few times but know very well as a place where good-looking, yet off-putting women and Gordon Gekko wannabees hang out. I understand that it’s not great policy to let in nine pretty drunk dudes at midnight in an area like that, but who do you think is buying those single ladies their drinks?

5. Wouldn’t it be great if someone made a documentary about something or someone that didn’t work out well? I’m not talking about a tragedy or something serious. No, I just think it would be funny if someone focused on an athlete or musician that never was successful and never had a great ending. Like, a Behind the Music: Those Guys Who Made The No Scrubs ParodyOur story starts with three young friends who had no concept of how the word Thieves was spelled… Or a Ken Burns documentary (meaning it would be about 15 parts, each an hour and a half long) about a failed project or athlete. For those of you in the New Jersey area, I’m thinking along the lines of Xanadu and The Techni-colored Dream Ski Jump.  For the rest of you, maybe a 6-part series on JaMarcus Russell (possible title: From 60 Yards to Broke: JaMarcus Russell Stayed on His Knees).

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