Month: July 2016

First off, in doing some “research” for this one, I learned that there’s been at least 8 Mario Karts made. Probably more. Does that strike anyone else as excessive? Who honestly needed more than the one for Nintendo 64? It was clearly the best version of the game. Any of these clowns (read: young bucks) that claim the Wii version is better are fooling themselves. The whole fun of video games is so to  escape reality—not approximate it. If I wanted to drive a car, you know hold a wheel and turn it, I’d drive my real car. No, I want to hold a weird, multi-colored joystick that oddly grips perfectly to my claw.

Anyway, I digress. Whatever version you’re playing, the whole fun of the game is to get those boxes and be lucky enough not to get the bananas. Get one of those red shell trios and roll deep, shoot someone down with green shells (actually, now that I write this, being able to aim, click and shoot with a green shell is a better feeling than anything else in the game)… the list goes on.

Point is, when you’re four beers deep and that obnoxious friend of yours that’s way too good at the game (especially at this age… I mean, seriously… what does he do all day? how is he so fucking good, still?) is just ahead of you… you need the right item. Whatever your specialty, you know you’re in a great spot if you get it and screwed if not.

Good luck.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: Being the jackass that, repeatedly, can’t get your guy to run into any box, at all. Lap after lap.

I don’t know about you, but I really only do laundry when I run out of socks or underwear. This is both a joke but also a life goal. For real, kid.

But seriously, every so often in your life, when you’ve graduated to living in a post-quarters world where no one cares how long you leave your stuff in the machine, you get to clean actual clothes. You know, like jeans and pants and long-sleeved shirts.

However, the real treat–what this feeling is really about–is when you get to do a load of sheets or sweatshirts… gasp!… TOWELS.

Anyone who lives in an apartment building surely knows the difficulty that comes with doing a load of non-clothes. Things don’t dry as they should, you forget to take your clothes out in time so they’re either really wrinkled or really damp, you don’t have enough quarters to do another load so your living room becomes a full-scale drying rack.

It’s a nightmare.

However, on the rare days when you can do those non-clothes loads, the feeling of accomplishment is outstanding. Sure, fresh underwear is nice, but a stack of hot towels? That’s fucking luxury.

Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: Toss up on this one… either going for more quarters for that extra dryer cycle and finding out you don’t have any more… Or, bringing your clothes all the way down to your laundry room… and all the machines are taken. Your pick (Hint: you lose either way).