I’ve never intentionally stolen anything.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Once, after a softball game in the city, I stopped at a Jamba Juice and grabbed a water from the open-air fridge while waiting on line. I chugged it all before I could even place my order and without thinking I tossed the bottle into the trash.
So yes, technically, that was stealing. I never paid for that bottle of water and never told the place I had it.
But outside of that, never intentionally.
The reason I throw that qualifier in there is because once I stole something and didn’t even realize I did it. Because I plainly am not some hoodlum stealing things on the daily, this little story that follows is the illustration of the rare fun and fleeting joy of getting away with something like this.
Summer of 2006… I was about to leave to study abroad in London for the semester. Because this was taking place during the Stone Age, I went to the local CD/record store to buy myself one of those CD booklets for the trip (I needed something to hold my dope mixtapes, sonnn).
Anyway… while buying the booklet, I perused the store to see if any new stuff had come out that caught my eye. Looking up and down the “New Top 20” section, I checked out a few that piqued my interest for a bit but there was nothing noteworthy. So, I resolved to just purchase the booklet.
Upon leaving the store, a UPS or FedEx delivery guy was trying to get in so I held open the door for him and even helped with a box or two he’d left on the sidewalk.
I mention this last part because when I got back to my car, I realized I’d never put down one of the CDs I was looking at from that Top 20 rack (the Method Man CD pictured above). If they ever reviewed footage of that day, I must have looked like the calmest thief in recorded history. I literally left the store and came back in with stolen merch multiple times, calm as could be (because I had no idea it was in my hands still).
Of course, at that point I kept the record and moved on with my life. Sure, it’s basically petty shit. But hell, they overcharge us all the time, why can’t we get one back every so often?
Polar Opposite of this Feeling?: Getting caught? I’m not sure what else could possibly go here.