Before we get started here, let’s make one thing clear for all the morons out there: you’re not anti-American if you don’t like the Olympics. You’re just honest.
Let’s break down the Olympics for what they largely are. We’re talking about a collection of sports, by and large, no one watches for 205 out of every 208 weeks featuring athletes, again by and large, no one has even remotely heard of. Oh yeah, throw in the additional fact that these events normally are taking place in a part of the world where it rates somewhere between moderately and extremely inconvenient to watch them live.
I’ve never enjoyed watching the Olympics and honestly can’t figure out why anyone does on more than a passing level*. Then again, I was raised in a family with a father who hated Halloween, loves rooting against his favorite baseball team, and doesn’t like going to the beach.
So, like most kids raised in the 90s, I grew up with Cap’n Crunch*. Or, more accurately, I grew up in a household where we weren’t exactly supposed to have sugary cereals (read: un-fun cereals) and so I had to sneak them in when I could like I was one of the kids in Heavyweights**.
I grew up idolizing the Captain. How, despite all odds, he always made it happen. Even when you couldn’t bare to have the roof of your mouth scratched any more. Even when you thought Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch was never actually going to come to fruition. Even when, in the middle of summer, he kept thatextremely high-collared blue uniform on to ensure morale amongst his seamen never dipped below “Grrrreeaaatttt!”
So you could imagine my disappointment when I recently found out that Oops! All Berries made its way back onto supermarket shelves across the nation. As it turns out, this wasn’t a recent development. A little wikipedic research helped me discover that although the cereal debuted in the late 90s and found its way out of circulation shortly thereafter, it returned in the last few years with the “Limited Time Only” notice removed.
I’ve always curse word hated Oops! All Berries. Why is it that everyone casually excused this incredible blunder with a simple cry of Oops! It wouldn’t work with anything else and it shouldn’t have worked with this.